A few months ago my parents moved away. Not far, but far enough that I can no longer just stop by for a quick visit. They have been near me and a part of my life, for my entire life. They moved away and it brought with it so many emotions. I have tried to work through these and I thought I was getting there. Then this last week my parents returned for a visit and with them returned all of the emotions that surfaced with the initial move. My first reaction was one of anger and impatience, "I thought I'd dealt with this already! I want these feelings gone, I want to get on with life". Then numbness, these feelings won't go away so I'll shut down. Oh, the vicious cycle of this path that I know too well.
Not long ago I experienced turning an ugly feeling into a beautiful one, using just art and words. You know what I mean? The way in which we label feelings as good or bad and how easy it is to see all the negative and ugly, every single detailed one. And shifting your mindset to see the positive doesn't come naturally, it doesn't for me yet anyway. So I'll call it a work in progress and keep building that muscle.
Now I am sitting with a determination and strength that NO! I won't shut down, I'll feel these feelings, work with them and allow them to help me see the beauty where there is seemingly none. It's ok to feel sad, hurt, lonely, rejected! It's completely normal and fine because I am feeling them and they are there. It's alright for them to be there, why are they there and how can I find the beauty in this situation that I want to just go away.
So onto finding the beauty in my Mum and Dad leaving from their visit. Before they headed off my Dad picked up some of his plants to take back home. His beautiful freesia had bloomed with the most delicate yellow blossoms. It had been in my garden and I'd walked past it every day since it started flowering and I hadn't even noticed it... until now. Maybe just perfect timing, but Dad said "wow, just smell these" and this flower had the most beautiful aromatic citrus fragrance. Now coinciding with this I have just started to look into the secret language of flowers and their meanings, to use in my art. Do you know what the freesia means? Its meaning is to trust, your path is unfolding as it should and you can trust your inner guidance to lead you. A symbol of femininity and grace, it embodies the pureness of a new friendship and invites a strengthening of the bonds. I really really love that, it makes me all warm and happy inside!
So of course, there is my artwork with the beautiful freesia my Dad gave me. Yes, this beauty is sad and that is ok as sadness holds a beauty of its own. There is beauty and softness to be found in the most vulnerable places of our hearts.
If I can do it, you can too! When you think of or experience those feelings you'd rather not, soften into them. What are they really telling you? Can you discover and celebrate the beauty where there seems to be none. Share your experience with me in the comments below, I look forward to hearing it!
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