What do I say to myself let alone anyone else? Who am I to do that, be that, say that?! My confidence has taken a nose dive, my mojo is gone, or maybe it was never there to begin with, my life is mediocre, I am never enough. What triggered it this time I'm not sure, when did this feeling creep back into my life, like a thief and steal my joy before I even noticed?
I am talking about anxiety, depression, obsessive and negative thoughts and beliefs. For whatever reason these have been my nemesis for as long as I can remember.
As a child my family used to make fun of my "stitch checking". When something wasn't perfect on a garment or accessory, like a broken stitch, I would freak out because it was no longer perfect in my eyes. So I used to stitch check every item before we purchased it to make sure it passed the stitch check test.
Now I have grown up since then but unfortunately that thought pattern's focus has also. So life can feel beyond my control and like no matter what I do - I am doomed. Life is all good and rosy when it's sitting in the back seat, but occasionally it rudely jumps in the front and takes charge of the car and the road trip. I have some very dear friends who have helped me through this. When I reached out, they were there with love, support and tools that I can add to my kit to help me through, this time and the next. One thing I know for sure is that there will be a next time, it's just life.
Extreme self-care, one-day at a time and doing what I love are my answers that I always come back to. I crave to play, laugh, love and have simplicity in my life. This anxiety and thought patterns aren't wrong, it doesn't have to define me. I can learn, grow and move forward and be happy. You see I still feel very vulnerable, fragile and I am healing and finding the feel of my wings.
I realise more than ever that my art is my self-care and my healing. So today I just grabbed my sketch book and started to draw for fun. And this beauty ended up on my page. She reminded me that we all have wings, sometimes it just takes belief, courage and a leap of faith to discover them. The wind will blow and we may not know the direction its going but we can all fly.
Sometimes it takes a leap of faith to discover your wings
So I welcome you to join me on an adventure like no other, let's fly. You may not know where you are going right now or maybe you don't have any answers and that is perfectly ok. What we can look forward to is embracing all the parts of ourselves we have ever hidden or felt ashamed of, exploring the heights, depths and wild beauty of that unique inner terrain that is us. See, until you spread your wings you will have no idea how far you can fly!
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